One day I decided to commit suicide

 

 

Well, how the decision was arrived upon I am reluctant to disclose, for in doing so my act of stupidity would irrevocably be reinforced and established beyond doubt in the sensibility of every intelligent being, which undeniably would prove fatal to my reputation. So not wanting to cause any more mischief to my image than is absolutely necessary, I may be allowed to safely presume that reader discretion would ensue and save my reputation from such repercussions if any. The absolving could be owed to my tender age resulting in confused priorities hence such action, or the idea of such action.

So one day I decided to commit suicide.

 

As I sat drowning in my miseries and you can very well infer that a long lasting sleep did seem like a perfect solution to the melodrama I was embroiled in at that moment. I mean, honestly the idea seemed most appealing and when I say it, I just portray the shaken sensibilities, a slowly seeping insanity which I was fighting. I did not want to let the serpent make an Eve out of me but from the corner of my eyes I definitely was eyeing the apple.

 

So I started Googling the means by which this could be induced. Just for info you see I didn’t mean to do it. I was just curious how people did it. The hangman’s noose? Stuffy. I looked at my ceiling. Holy crap! Just a light bulb was hanging there suspended by a very thin red wire! It may be pertinent to mention that I live in the hills and houses here usually do not have fans, nor does the ceiling come with a provision to install one, which definitely would have found its uses, censorable no doubt.

Although this trend of architectural set up may not prevail for long, and we could soon see a revolutionary change in the coming years, due to global warming and all other concerns of serious nature. But I couldn’t be bothered with such significant issues at that moment given to my state of mind, and already having had a tiny insignificant one at hand which demanded my immediate attention.

Hence I grappled in my search for a stronger suspender. My room sadly failed to provide me the final sanctuary, in case I needed one. I would certainly bring half the ceiling down with me if I put my neck on that red wire, and not even achieve what I had set out to do, in the first place. How inefficient.

Bad idea. Discarded.

I went out to survey the trees where I made an amazing discovery. The branches were almost all parallel to the main trunk after an initial offshoot! It was technically a faulty kind of symmetry to give good results to the task in hand. The rope would definitely slide down to the base carrying me along, and if I tied it at a far end, it would do so with quite a force so as to slam one side of my body against its trunk and induce a couple of fractures in my skull! No matter how well earned a slam that would be I still wouldn’t appreciate it. Not to mention the bruises I would incur on my legs while crash landing if the branch broke!

Another bad idea. Discarded.

The drugs would do it. Yes, it definitely painted a less dramatic and less action filled picture. But the problem was I knew nothing about drugs. I didn’t even know the names of many medicines apart from paracetamol and I had never heard of anyone dying from it.

So what else could I do, I did not have a gun but I did have a car in which to put my plan to action but then I thought again, what if after having gone down the cliff I realize I have broken everything but my wind pipe! I visualised myself.

Aargh! Discarded.

 

In my quest for liberation from my torment I thought up of some ways which if put into action would have been the first of its kind, how about clamping your nose? Seriously, it could be the cheap and best deal. But of course the damage it could do to your reputation would be unbearable. After all I had no idea of what happened after death, what if I’d be hanging around in an invisibility cloak and be an audience to my own joke posthumously. Or if there was a society of dead who would find my way somewhat dishonourable, no gore and all that, and ostracise me for the rest of eternity.

Survival strategies in either of the worlds, forbade me to acquire a patent for the idea. Although why was I even bothered of the after life I fail to comprehend now.

So after having spent one whole Sunday afternoon imagining the gory details of the act I found the idea not so appealing after all. I guessed there was no easy way out. And I felt nothing could be grave enough to justify such an act.

Hence.

 

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