the paradox of love & like

I cannot say i love him, No, most certainly not. How can you love someone when half the time you want to strangle him! Then what do I say? How do i convey what i feel? The three magic words that has the world captive, is it adequate to justify the range of emotions that i feel for him? Doesn’t the word ‘love’ restrict your feelings into a category which adheres to a set of cosy comfortable and nice adjectives which in fact could be in complete contradiction to your actual feelings? When i say i love him doesn’t it also mean that i like him and that i approve of his entire characteristics all complete? But then I don’t.

I most certainly don’t like him. For why would i when all he does is get on my nerves and make me so mad that i want to pull my hair out! He will not answer my sms’ because he doesn’t have that pointy pen like gadget on his phone and he’s too lazy to type. He will not take me out on a Saturday night because he wants to watch some lousy football game on TV, he will have hundred and one excuses not to take me to movies on a Sunday when all he does is lie on bed and read Louis Lamour. He tells me the dvd store ran out of the latest romantic releases and comes back with a handful of western cowboy classics instead. When i wear that sexy red dress which i had bought with the most dishonourable intention of enticing him he’s busy installing some new app on his phone and barely notices.

They say relationships are made in heaven and I say that’s true, for it would be extremely difficult to weave something so precious on our own, and given the human nature to err, if we had our way in deciding whom to fall in love with, then I feel the world would be full of prosaic couples who understood each other perfectly well but lacked that little something that went on to add soul to their relationships. So I sit and ponder, I try to justify my ranting of his inadequacies, of his lacking, of his deficiency of efforts in maintaining this relationship.

What if he did things exactly as I wanted things to be done, what if he took me to movies every Sunday, took me out for dinners every Saturday, never watched his football games, never went over to his friends to watch some silly gadget demos, noticed me when I wanted him to notice, did everything I wanted at all times, religiously, diligently, without fail, would I even feel alive? Wouldn’t I feel I have a robot for a man? How would I be happy with someone who never made me angry, who always found time for me, who never made me wait, never let me down, never irritated me, never erred, never ever made any mistake and so never said sorry? I do not think I would. I feel that would be too superficial a relationship, devoid of any surprises, any zing, any life, and any soul at all.

When he stops halfway to work to call me to say he loves me, boy! does my heart skip a beat, When I’m screaming mad at him he starts singing that romantic number the lyrics of which he knows naught, does he make me laugh! When I’m busy stirring the stew he comes quietly and takes me in his arms and whispers those sweet nothings oh how i melt, and instantly forgive all his idiosyncrasies.

And hence, today as a tribute to our nine years of togetherness i would like to say this due to the lack of a better phrase, than the best, available, I LOVE YOU.

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